A-Dub’s Thoughts
Thoughts of a wife and mother

Yesterday was a hard but great day.  I knew that because Uncle James was in town that Xavier would want to go hiking.  I wanted so badly to join my family on this adventure.  So knowing that my right leg had been feeling very tight and tender, I did something that I thought I would never do….I had my first massage.  She did a great job.  She understood the needs of my muscles and that I have tender points.  She worked for 40 minutes on my leg to release the muscle.   I should have done this a long time ago.

When I got home we took a hike in the trails that are just behind our house.  The views from the top of the hills are great.  The first part of the trail was not a walking trial but a quad trail which made it difficult to walk up, at least for me, the three mountain goats I was with seem do fine with it.  Once we were on the right hiking trails they were great.  I did forget my inhaler, my bad.  But James to the rescue, I could breathe again and continue.

I am so glad the I have been able to get out and enjoy the outdoors with my family again.  I am looking forward the becoming the person I know I want to be and that is somewhere inside of me.

Yesterday Xavier had a school field trip to the Phoenix Zoo.  I was looking forward to being out with my family but not to the pain that would come later.  So I took some precautions in the morning and at lunch and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  I did however come home and sleep for 12 hours and I am still feeling the effects form the miles of walking and the bike ridding that we did.

I did realize yesterday that I have miss the way Aaron and I use to be,  afternoon walks and bike rides near the beach.  Those were the days.

I haven’t written in a while.  Some can say I have been lazy but in reality not much has changed.  Last week I felt like I was finally getting a couple of “human” days.  Then as I always fall prey to it, wanted to get things done.  I started to get the house back to the way I love it.  And now I am paying the price.  My lower half of my body is feels as though it’s muscles have been put through a taffy puller.  When I lay in bed at night my limbs start to feel heavy and become so hard to move.  I feel sorry for Aaron, I don’t want him to feel neglected because I love him so much, for everything he is to me and what he has done for me, but when I my body feels this way I can’t stand to be touched or for him to show love to me.  I hate this part because I see the pain in his eyes and I so want to show him how much I care but when it is so hard and painful to move, I am really in between a rock and a hard place.